Why Can’t Your Wife Do It?

Laura Miller Dovetail Recruitment 17 July 2026 5 min read

Such an inflammatory statement as it is, but the story behind it is far from simple.

A phrase I knew was still, unfortunately, said, but never thought would be something I’d actually hear about in real life. For GDPR reasons I can’t, of course, tell you who this story is about, but I thought it was important to highlight the constant battle both men and women face for equality, understanding, and equal access to flexible working. And it’s worth pointing out, when I was being told this story, the father in question was very calm and accepting of this, as if it was exactly what he expected to be hearing.

While the system is constantly set against women, we also all know men aren’t given the same rights as women when it comes to family either. Just look at maternity and paternity leave.

So much has changed. Why is a woman automatically expected to put her entire career on hold to solely care for a small human all day, every day, while the father is still expected to go out and bring home the bacon?

This incredibly 50s mindset doesn’t match up with today. Women are increasingly out-earning their partners. We’re still not quite at a 50/50 split, but for decades, women have been expected to give up career progression to care for a child.

The injustice doesn’t stop there. And that’s where this story is going.

Once back from maternity leave, women are expected to work at the same capacity as before, or they’re assumed not to be able to and aren’t given any responsibility. It’s rare that there’s a good balance, especially in that first year, particularly when nursery colds are a monthly occurrence.

It’s estimated that a child will experience up to 12 respiratory infections and two gastrointestinal infections in their first year at nursery. And who is expected not only to pick them up when they’re ill, but then take time off work to look after them?

“Both parents!” you’d say if we lived in a fair society. And in many circumstances, that’s true.

And to try and be fair, there are things in place to support working parents. (Notice how I said parents, not mothers.) There’s a thing called force majeure, which any employee can take for three paid days in any 12-month period for family emergencies. But if you know your child needs to be kept off nursery the night before, it gets a bit grey and technically isn’t classed as force majeure. So that’s fine, you say—we’ll take them to nursery, they get sent home, then we get force majeure. Well, sometimes it works. But if you’re starting a shift before nursery opens it gets a bit tricky.

Recently, a professional working father I know found himself in this situation. His child was too sick to go to nursery. His wife had already taken so much time off work there were no force majeure days left for her. She was feeling behind at work, she was sick of constantly being the sole parent taking the time off, and after the sixth illness—and countless more days of childcare cover, desperately roping in grandparents—she told him it was his turn. Which he of course agreed it was. (This isn’t a male/female power struggle story, they’re both equal parents here).

He managed to do the only thing he could in the situation due to a lack of any mention of childcare or family emergencies, or issues in the huge company handbook. He called in sick, stating the reason is that he needed to look after his sick daughter who couldn’t attend nursery.

Only to be told he couldn’t have sick pay because he wasn’t sick.

Well, yes, of course that’s fair enough.

But what happened after is where the fairness ends.

He met with his line manager to discuss a flexible working request, a completely separate matter. But the manager spent the entire meeting focusing on just the two days of unauthorised absence he’d recently had.

And what was his first question to the father:

“Why couldn’t your wife look after your daughter?”

Let that sit with you for just a second.

Why couldn’t your wife look after your daughter?

As if she doesn’t work.

As if her work is less important than her husbands.

As if her deadlines can always wait.

As if her time is solely to support her husband and their child.

As if fatherhood is helping, rather than parenting.

As if a father’s career should never be interrupted.

As if equality only exists until a child gets sick.

As if sharing the responsibility is somehow unreasonable.

As if asking a father to care for his own child is out of the ordinary.

As if being a good employee and being a good parent are choices only mothers have to make.

Why couldn’t your wife do it?

Now, if the situation were reversed, do you think the woman would have been asked that question?

There’s even more to this story, but I feel this alone makes the point. And for fear of outing the individual and him being subject to disciplinary action, I’ll leave it here.

So there you have it.

Proof that sexism, family discrimination, and a 1950s mentality are very much alive and well.